Rajat Subhra Chatterjee
0092
So we have crossed 50 years of our marriage though knowing each other happened 3-4 years earlier. Still I felt from the very beginning, – “ তুমি তো আমার চিরদিনের হাসি কান্নার সাথী।” It has been only because of her presence in my life, that I may have done something. If Ma, Baba and She were not around, this ‘good for nothing’ life could have flowed in a different stream. She held this vast family for last 50 years. Even if no one acknowledges, does not matter. Me and our son Abhishek know this from our heart.
‘Jeena Yahan Marna Yahan
Ishke Siva Jaana Kahan’
When, these days, I wake up in the morning, quite early, I start feeling – oh, again, I have to face and live in this confused and complicated world with confused and complicated people !! This exactly is not a recent phenomena that I have been experiencing. But for some time now, I have consciously thought that how, on which strength, I have lived so many years under such confused and complicated environ ! Ups and Downs in life apart, it has been people and surrounding which play a very important part in one’s life.
After spending more than 50 years together, we feel it was to be. From Day 1 of our being together, she has been faithful and a huge support through her love and understanding me as well as the family. She has been a pillar of strength in the family and very dear to my other all siblings being the first ‘Bohu’ in the family but that apart, her politeness and lovely, tender behavioural pattern had charmed all in the family. She was a darling to my mother and a huge strength ( don’t get awed !) to my Dad as well, whenever he needed any troubleshooting. She has been equally popular in our bigger family and to her huge friend circle – ( from school, college and locals). My maternal side has been very close to her. All elders and cousins and their next gen as well.
Peace of mind is very important which, if lost or not retrievable, it is better to leave for God to decide. This obviously brings the most important question ….
What, if I am not here tomorrow, will happen ?
Nothing probably. Sky will not come down on any one’s head! My grandchildren are too small, still not able to gauze, if they have lost something! Frankly, dying is nothing but leaving the universe in flesh and blood. The ‘Atma’ will still very much be around. So why mourn ? Instead ….
Once my Mentor asked me to write my obituary. I wrote : ‘A man who lived simply and loved fiercely, left in style without being loved much.’
I should not be missed for long by any one on this universe for the simple reasons as I have not contributed significantly towards any other life ( except what was within my purview as son, father, brother, husband etc ), or to the society as a whole. I don’t think, I have been able to motivate any one by my being alive for such a long period !
If I am not here tomorrow ?
There would be some sadness initially. Few condolences may pour down in our house, remembering my life and what I had done for the family. All rubbish. As I know, I had not done anything unique or great.
If I am not here tomorrow ?
Yeh Mera Geet, Jeevan Sangeet
Kal Vi Koi Dohrayega….
My son, my Only One, would be sad along with my daughter-in-law as they knew how much I used to care for them. While my son would try to remember his childhood and his being buddy to me so thickly. My son probably would also remember how he was switched away from one profession to another which changed his life altogether. My son along with his wife, would perhaps go back in thoughts in their pre-marriage days, the days at Jaipur, Bhubaneswar and Tollygunge. My son would probably try to remember the days when I used to wait for him in late hours on road when he was late in home coming. He would probably remember the days when I used to frequent him at Jaipur in odd hours only to comfort him ! My lively daughter-in-law would probably reminiscence how she became our dearest person chosen to partner our only son and their days in Bhubaneswar ! They would probably share with their two lovely daughters the days of our togetherness when my Angels were toddlers. Old photographs would probably be seen and may be, may be, a few drops will roll down their cheeks.
If I am not here… tomorrow…
My beloved wife of 50 years would definitely miss me remembering our Years of lightning, days of drums ! It all began in a damp rainy evening when I, a mere 22 year old sportsman, was going for practice when I received a note which I opened much later to find to my amusement that it was a note from the girl whom I see every now and then on the 2nd floor balcony yet never cared much. It was a note with a request if we could meet outside!
Funnily, I took some days as I was too busy with my cricket and then went up to her and spoken straight on her face, ‘yes, we could meet at the Ballygunge Lake coming Saturday’. Thus began the journey which has been a long haul. During this long haul, there have been turbulences and ecstasies but the going has been easy without much fuss. It has never been maddening yet always had been enjoying as both of us had really not much desire, so not much sorrows there too.
Our Years of Lightening, Days of Drums thus began on a low key as we never could realize that we would last these 50 official years together. Wah! All the while, I was busy trying to build up a career, my wife also was very busy holding the fort in the family caring for her only son, my brothers, and my parents.
‘Sarg Yahin Nark Yahan
Ishke Shiva Jana Kahan….
Kal khel me ham ho na ho,
Gardish mein tare rahenge sada’…
But She would probably never say a word on ..
- How she had adjusted as a newly married young ‘Bahu’ with my parents next door initially for a long 22 years and accepted her utter inconveniences.
- She would never probably say a word how much sacrifice she made in her life only to look after my youngest brother’s only son who lost her young mother at the age of eleven. She just accepted what I had wished, accommodating herself in only one room, forfeiting her luxury living she was used to for previous 3 / 4 years. No one would know, how she had cared for the kid, how she had gone to his school alone, to appear in parent-teacher meetings and saved the kid from getting punishment a couple of times for misconduct. I never knew all these. I came to know much later; now that the kid is a successful young man in life is the prophesy of God and his late mother’s blessings.
- She would probably never say a word how she was not given the equal facilities in the family though my mother felt bad for her all the time, not able to offer her to enjoy same treatment what she deserved most. A long story, better remains untold.
Well, She would certainly say
- What kind of sweet relationship she had with our mother and how much she loves her only Daughter – In – Law and our two Angels who have been our life lines since their birth.
- She would probably be eager to share the sweet relationship amongst the three ‘Bahus’ in the family and her extreme fondness for her own brothers and sisters and cousins. My two younger brothers have remained her best friends till date along with my two sisters, one elder, one younger.
- She would definitely reminiscence the affection and love she offered to all children in the family apart from Abhishek. The little one was more demanding and got the liberty most.
- She will probably wish to lie low and remain unexposed as she has seen, whole her life, ugly explosion and scenarios of self-publicity in and around, with loud unnecessary show offs. Fools; they forget- the size of every coffin will remain the same !
- She might shed a tear or two in private but will surely face the changed scenario with adequate boldness for the sheer presence of her only son & Daughter – in – Law who incidentally also have been very private and low-key persons in spite of their huge rise and recognition in life. My worthy successors indeed.
Mistake is a single page in life. But relationship is the complete book. So lets not close the full book for one page.
Tempted to quote Swamiji : “ After every happiness comes misery, they may be far apart or near. The more the advanced the soul, the more quickly does one follow the other.”
Bhoologe Hum Bhoologe Tum
Par Hum Tumhare Rahenge Sada
Rahenge Yahin Apne Nishan
Iske Siva Jana Kahan…
Its been a long haul. But after so many years of flying, the craft is tired. Wings are weaker. Engines are over run. The wheels are unable to take the load of even the fragile craft. More importantly, the will to fly further is no longer alive.
Its curtain time. Let it happen on its appointed date. I will surely miss the Drum music and its lightening sound.
The show must go on..
Pyyar Bhare Do Sharmeele Nain
Jinse Mila Mere Dil Ko Chain
Koi Jane Naa
Kyun Mujhse Sharmaye
Kaise Mujhe Tadpaye
Dil Yeh Kahe
Geet Mai Tere Gaau
Tu Hi Shunein
Aur Mein Gaata Jaun
Tu Jo Rahe
Sath Mere
Duniya Ko Thukraoon
Teraa Dil Bahlaoon.
Yet, We Still Matter….
Concluded…..
